Running in Cowboy Boots…

Updated: May 11

Running shoes hurt my feet, running hurts my knees and hips honestly I hate it, but damn I used to be pretty good at it…

Ironic right, you would think if I hate it so much I wouldn’t do it. Well, physically I will do anything else for cardio, but run. Mentally/emotionally I would run until I took the time to figure out what I was running from, what am I really afraid of? I realized that running has been the thing that keeps getting in my way, bailing just a little soon. Not committing all the way, but just enough to look like I had done everything I could. I would find a new project, new idea, or think I had given unconditional love and then run right before my success or right before I loved without fear. I thought this was protecting me, which is what the ego and subconscious do, they try to “keep you safe”. When truly what I was doing was hurting me, holding back my success, my love, and holding back myself from the life of my dreams. Just like running hurts my body, this was just hurting my soul. It was just pure self-sabotage and it was a habit that I didn’t even realize I was doing. I always felt like I tried or I did my best until it there was a chance I could get hurt, a chance I could fail and then I would unknowingly take off for the hills, calming it just didn’t work. But even though I was running, I was never going anywhere…

It wasn’t until I sat on my brother's back pouch night after night going what is it, what the fuck is in my way, what am I really running from and why is everything in my life one step away from working? Then it hit me I was running from myself, my mistakes, my magic, my joy, I was running because I thought it kept me safe. When truly what I needed to do was stop running, to think, sit it in, breathe, be still, and let go of the expectations of perfection.

It was fight or flight, I always had this voice that would whisper, what’s the point, it's not gonna work anyway”. Or some other version of that. Until now… until I did the work of being still. This is a thing I hate because that’s where it is uncomfortable and vulnerable. But it is in those moments that we find what we are made of, we sit in the hurt of the past mistakes, the what if’s, and the dark qualities of ourselves we would like to get rid of. But it is in those quiet moments that once the dust has settled, the beauty surfaces. The beauty of mistakes being growth, the beauty of knowing you are always whole, the beauty of the truly magical being you are. It is in those moments you find there is nothing to run from, nothing to hide from and you can finally let yourself be free. You can permit yourself to just stop running.

That type of running keeps you trapped when you think it is setting you free. It keeps you from your potential and living your absolute best life. It works the opposite way, it keeps the things you want in your life away, it ends up breaking your own heart, it keeps you chasing your tail. It keeps you from being who you are meant to be….

Now when I run it is in cowboy boots, with my heart wide open, wings on my back, and towards my wildest dreams.

What about you are you running from something or running towards your wildest dreams?

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