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Outside Love is Like Icing on the Cake



I was watching Grey’s Anatomy (yes, I still watch it, even though Derek has been gone for years), and the topic of self-love came up, and while I am paraphrasing the conversation, I loved what was said…

Person 1: “If I love every part of me, then that means I deserve a love that does the same.”

Person 2: “Well, it took me a long time to love every part of me, so now outside love is like icing.”

I feel like many of us can relate to that, looking for love outside ourselves when it has been there the whole time.


I don’t think it could be put any better when you realize how special you are, one of a kind, unique. If you love all your flaws, perfections, and mistakes, that means someone will love you for the same. (That’s an oh shit moment for me) But boy, did that hit me, or maybe scared me. Either way, it triggered something. First, I have to love my flaws, my fuck ups, and my imperfections if I want the icing on the cake. Then as I thought about it changed, it became exciting because I like the icing on the cake. I want a life filled with relationships that are the icing on the cake.

That is where the magic is. When you are whole yourself, the rest well is a HUGE BONUS. You no longer need validation from outside sources, work, friendships, or romantic relationships. The best part about this is that you and I have been the whole cake our whole lives; sometimes, we have to open our eyes and see what is right in front of us.

Think about that; outside love is the icing on the cake. There is freedom because it makes you realize you are the whole cake. You are complete the way you are. The icing adds sweetness, love, and well, that’s just it…IT ADDS.

It creates this space where you can be free and have room for the magic to happen. Compared to running around to find the eggs, flour, or sugar to try and make the cake whole. It’s a reminder that you are whole and have always been.

And that now it’s time for the icing.

This is not limited to romantic love by any means, but friendships, work, and anything you have some relationship with. When we allow all those things to be icing on the cake, we come from a place of I am enough. It comes from a place of empowerment, knowing what makes you you, well…IS YOU. Your whole magnificent self, you were meant to be here, show up, give, and make this world a better place.

So how are you contributing? Are you the icing for others?

Life is meant to be filled with icing, and we have to step back and trust the process for it to happen. From my experience, icing happens, in gratitude, when you let go and truly trust the universe. When you go in to nurture yourself, take time to figure out what makes you happy, not like a cup of coffee happy, but what makes you feel alive. What makes you get out of bed in the morning, what are your values, and what do you want to be remembered for?

When you know that, when you know you are whole, fuck ups and all, and then it’s time for the real magic to happen, it’s time to let the cake get frosted.

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